the maimed of doom!
by FanFicNameHere
Summary: a parody of the "prequel" to the blair witch project, the st. francisville project


Yay! My first story (besides me LOTR Dream, but that's a dream)!!! Have fun reading and stuff!  
  
The Maimed...of DOOM!!!  
  
At first glance, the house seemed safe and innocent enough. It resembled any other old and slightly run-down Southern plantation, but Erik, M.C., Sean, and Val could not have imagined the horror that awaited them inside. This group of four had lost a bet, and now had to spend an entire night in the haunted Renard mansion.  
  
The house was dark and there was a rustle, groan, or creak around every corner. This plantation was thought to have been the location where Monsieur Adam Renard had tortured hundreds of slaves and vagabonds who asked only for a night's shelter, but got more than they bargained for.  
  
When nobody would come near the house, Monsieur Renard maimed and killed his wife and three children, then turned the gun on himself. From that day on, an unknown figure had been seen in the windows of the mansion. It is rumored to be the ghost of Monsieur Renard, searching for more victims to quench his never-ending thirst for blood.  
  
Sean, Val, Erik, and M.C. now had the task of figuring out who this mysterious being was and what it wanted. They were a motley crew, Sean was the psychic, M.C. was a joker (but all his jokes were way too philosophical and only he thought they were funny), Val was the calm jock type (he was actually the polo team's water boy), and Erik was a prep (and gay). Together they had to find and destroy the ghost.  
  
"What do we do now?" Val asked, after they had gotten settled in the main room. "Well, we have to try and communicate with this spirit and see what it wants," Sean replied. "How do we do that?" M.C. questioned. "Duh stupid! With a Ouija board!" Sean answered and he punches M.C. in the face. "But can't that be dangerous?" asked Erik homosexually. "Well yes," Sean said, "but we can say a prayer of protection and call upon the heavenly power of the white light of love." "OK, white light it is then," Val said, rolling his eyes, "I hope this works."  
  
They all gathered around a table that was low to the floor and placed their fingers on the small, triangle letter indicator on the Ouija board. "Oooooo, I'm so scared!" squeaked Erik. "We haven't even started yet!" said M.C., who thought about how Plato would have though Erik was a homo. Sean had already put on his gas mask and snow shoes and gone into a trance.  
  
"We call on the power of the white light of protection and no spirit can harm us because of this holy light," he chanted. "What's your name?" Sean asked. The indicator didn't move. "Will you show yourself?" he inquired of the empty room. Erik gasped. The small triangle moved! With his eyes tightly shut, Erik stuttered, "Wha-wha-what does it say?"  
  
Before anybody could tell him what the Ouija board had revealed, a thundering "YES!" echoed from the walls and behind M.C., a shimmering, yet solid, figure appeared. He had large hollow eyes, ragged clothing, and blood dripped from his hands.  
  
Everybody screamed. Sean tried to calm them down, "Come on everyone, we're protected by the white light of purity and goodness!"  
  
As soon as he said that, the ghost pulled out his... rusty potato peeler and quickly stripped all the skin off of Sean's face and neck. He dropped to the floor like a sack of potatos, covered in blood.  
  
"White light my donkey (really meaning ass)!" shouted M.C. "It's ok," Val yelled, "we didn't really like him anyway!" "Oh yeah, that's right!" said Erik and M.C. "And the ghost won't hurt us," Val continued, "we weren't nearly as annoying as Sean!"  
  
Before Val could finish his pep talk, the phantom whipped out his... ice cream scoop and ripped out the back of Val's head. "Ewwww! That's gross!" shrieked Erik, almost fainting like a ninny. "Let's get out of here!" shouted M.C. Then, as quickly as it had appeared, the ghost vanished. "Where did he go?" asked M.C. "I don't know," squealed Erik, "but let's get out of here!" "Wait," said M.C., "we have to kill this thing" "How?" asked Erik. "Isn't it already dead?" "No! Well I mean, yes, it is dead, but we have to destroy it. You know, purify the house!" cried M.C., feeling silly. "Oh yeah! Don't we need incense or something like that?" asked Erik.  
  
M.C. was surprised because Erik was actually starting to make a lot of sense for being such a dum-dum. "Yeah, and I just happened to bring some!" said M.C. M.C. magically pulls two handfuls of incense sticks out of his pockets. "Wow!" exclaimed Erik. "How did you do that?" "I don't know," replied M.C., "I just did." The two of them lit all of the incense and said a prayer.  
  
Together, they called the ghost to them. Erik sang a prayer of cleansing. There was a loud rumble. And all but one of the doors slammed shut. Through the only open door walked the ghost of Monsieur Adam Renard.  
  
M.C. kept reciting the purification prayer, but it didn't seem to be having an affect. The specter continued to move closer, his eyes fixed on Erik. "Hurry up M.C.!" he screamed, but nothing that M.C. was doing stopped the ghost.  
  
Finally, in a sheer panic, Erik grabbed one of the lit sticks of incense and threw it at the ghost. It stuck in his eye, then he screamed and backed away. "Hey M.C.!" shouted Erik. "I think I figured something out!" "What?" he yelled back. "Just throw your incense at the ghost and it will hurt him!"  
  
M.C. and Erik hurled numerous sticks of incense at the slowly retreating phantom, and each stick that stuck in him brought a howl of pain. By the time all but one of the sticks were gone, the ghost was laying on the floor. he looked like a porcupine that someone had pulled most of the quills out of, and tendrils of smoke curled into the air. The room smelled of patchouli, strawberries, and death. The ghost slowly disappeared and evaporated along with the smoke from the incense.  
  
M.C. and Erik packed as quickly as was humanly possible. Erik swerved violently and almost hit a tree because he was driving as fast as he could to get away from that house. The bodies of Sean and Val were never found, and there was no evidence of the murders.  
  
Erik was committed to a mental institution after driving a stolen bus through Frito Lay plant. M.C. was unfortunately on that bus and died of a severe head injury when a pretzel got lodged in his ear.  
  
It is said that the ghost of Monsieur Adam Renard can still be seen walking through the house, but there are now two others with him, two teenage boys, one wearing a gas mask . When the wind is just right, and the air is clear, the faint scent of incense can sometimes be smelled drifting over the countryside...OF DOOM!!!  
Well, that was my first crack at a story. Besides some minor continuity errors like "how did the ghost peel off Sean's face if he was wearing a gas mask?" or "was the ice cream scoop one of those with a little mechanical handle lever thingy?" or "if they just lost a bet, why did they have to kill the ghost?" and the fact that Erik is not really gay (well not in public at least), I think that it was all right. But don't worry, this might be my last story for a while. Now go and review! (good things!) 


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